Fucking up. I do it a lot. All too much. Things I do in the past come to stab me in the throat, numerous times. Leaving me choking on my words. Splattered blood is so seductive now. I require the punishment for breaking a heart. One that I fused into my own. The sickened heart is hurting mine now. Its pain is its own bite back at the snake that destroyed it the first time, second time, and every time. I gave up once before. I want to again. But I cannot leave her, my one true love. I could leave now and have a definite heartbreak or stay and have a chance at only some. I'm done with doing the things I've done. Breaking the habit. ripping out it's spine. I want her to believe me. But it may never happen. But I'm not giving up honey. I made a promise that I would make your life the life of a princess. I've failed numerous times. But I will not give up. As long as you are in my arms, I will be trying to be perfect. Completely silent I sit here, waiting for work, hoping everything will return to normal. But perhaps I'm hoping all to high here. Its going to suck for awhile but I heard something before.

"Nothing is perfect but it has to be someday"

and I'll live by it. Til the day I die.

- Jakeery